Before “I Do”: The Top 10 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have
When two people come together in marriage, it isn’t just about the dress, the flowers, and the celebration. It’s about building a life together. And you’ve probably heard the expression that every one of us walks into marriage carrying baggage… but we never really define what that is.
Inside your bag are things like:
Past hurts and wounds
Family experiences and traditions
Beliefs and values
Dreams and goals for the future
Some of what’s in your bag is beautiful and exciting. Some of it may be heavier than you realize. The challenge is that many couples don’t fully know what’s inside until after the wedding. That’s when surprise conflicts, misunderstandings, or disappointments can surface.
Premarital counseling gives you the chance to unpack your backpacks together-before “I do.” That way, you can walk into marriage with honesty, clarity, and unity.
Why Premarital Counseling Matters
Research backs this up: Couples who engage in premarital counseling are 31% less likely to divorce than those who don’t (Les Parrott, SYMBIS). The reason? You’re not just planning a wedding-you’re preparing for a marriage.
Yes, these conversations can feel intimidating. Some couples fear that exploring hard topics could lead to arguments-or even breakups. But the truth is, not exploring them can lead to something far more painful: divorce.
And here’s the hopeful part-these conversations can also be fun and deeply bonding. They give you the chance to learn things about each other you may never have asked otherwise.
The Top 10 Conversations to Have Before “I Do”
Here are 10 key topics every couple should explore before marriage:
Faith & Spirituality – How will we live out our faith together? How do we handle differences?
Family Backgrounds – What was “normal” in your family, and what do you want to repeat-or change?
Conflict Styles – How do we fight fair? What does reconciliation look like for us?
Finances – Will we combine accounts? How do we approach debt, spending, and saving?
Roles & Expectations – Who cooks, who cleans, who works, who leads?
Children & Parenting – Do we want kids? How many? What are our values around parenting?
Sex & Intimacy – What are our expectations, needs, and beliefs about intimacy?
Friendships & Community – How do we balance friendships, family, and quality time?
Dreams & Goals – Where do we see ourselves in 5, 10, 20 years? What matters most to us?
Past Baggage – What hurts, fears, or traumas do we carry that could impact our marriage?
The Good News
The goal of premarital counseling isn’t to point out flaws or push you apart-it’s to help you build a strong foundation. Think of it as opening up your bags together and deciding how to carry them as a team or what things need unloaded and left behind before the alter.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us: “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” With God at the center, and with intentional preparation, you can step into marriage stronger, more connected, and ready for whatever comes your way.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
I’ve had the honor of walking couples through these important conversations-helping them navigate fears, celebrate strengths, and prepare for marriage with confidence. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
👉 If you and your fiancé are ready to unpack your bags and prepare for a lifelong marriage-not just a beautiful wedding-let’s talk. Schedule a free consultation today.
